There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
