So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just high enough for therapy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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