Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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