what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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