And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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