Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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