bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
