You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
