peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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