You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
