dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
