My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
