HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
