we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
