I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
MIDGETS
????
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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