billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
