I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
only if we run a train.
done.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
