her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
