How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
