he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had sex on a dog bed..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
