Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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