my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
