he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
