Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
