there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
