thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize