Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
please don't ironically join a cult
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