So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
