Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am one with the molecules
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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