I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
