We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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