I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
