youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
