i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
