Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
