My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
