white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
