Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
