Im at strip club and am horny
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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