and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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