she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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