No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
