It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
