Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize