apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize