honey bunches of taint.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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