ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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