Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
