Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
