There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
