I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
