my phone needs a breathalizer
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
