Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
