Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
