the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
