Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
