Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
