I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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