I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
