I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
