Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the raccoons are back...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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