just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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