yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
