i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
