Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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