I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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