Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
