Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize