i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
