Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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