where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
