waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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