I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
